Saturday 24 January 1903

The following letter was published in the Merthyr Express on the 24th January 1903.
Thanks to Terry McCarthy Chairman of Gelligaer Historical Society.

BARGOED CHAMBER OF TRADE: - Sir,  - Probably you and the parishioners of Gelligaer are ignorant of the fact there is a wonderful gathering of wise men at Bargoed called the Bargoed Chamber of Trade.  They are a body in whom it seems all the wisdom of the Rhymney Valley is embodied.  Their doings in the past prove without a doubt how profoundly wise they are (?).A few weeks ago they resolved to petition the County Council for an extra member for the District Council for Bargoed and Gelligaer Ward, making them three in number, and at the same time they are quite content in having only one these last nine months to represent the Ward, while that Ward is entitled to two without going a-begging.   Now that is enough of proof to any rational man of their second sight and unbounded wisdom.  But you say they that they are anxious to save the rates.  Well, let us see.  Some weeks ago they urged the Gelligaer District Council to get the co-operation of the Bedwellty Urban District Council to erect a viaduct to connect Glamorgan with Monmouthshire.  The object they have in view by this unnecessary enterprise it seems is to create a spirit of unity and good feeling between the two counties.  But when one remembers that the members of the above Chamber are tradesmen one is apt to think that the real object of the viaduct is to make the way straighter for the Aberbargoed people to come to Bargoed for their provisions, knowing as we do that the Bargoed tradesmen, don’t like, nor wish, their customers to travel a zig-zag road.  They are very considerate people these Bargoed tradesmen, and not selfish, of course.  This little luxury will only cost the Councils concerned about £50, but that would be a great saving of the rates don’t you see!  This Chamber is very particular about saving the rates.
Mr W.F. Denning, F.R.A.S. , is greatly concerned at present in trying to find some means of communication with the planet Mars.  Surely it would be a great benefit to the inhabitants of this planet as well as those of Mars if he would communicate with the Bargoed Chamber of Trade- They would be sure to find some solution to the enormous problem that he personally finds it difficult to handle; they would, businessmen that they are, prevail upon the inhabitants of Mars to send a deputation to meet them in the moon, to arrange preliminary matters with a view of erecting a viaduct from this earth to Mars, say from Bargoed, arranging, in the meantime, with the inhabitants of the moon, to fix the middle pillar of the said viaduct there; that would do away with a great deal of speculation and anxiety on the part of Mr Denning, and at the same time give him an opportunity of turning his attention to some other celestial object.  If Mr Denning should happen to read this letter, and communicate with me, I should only be too glad to let him know the date of their next meeting at the Cow & Puppet, so that he may confer with them on the subject.  You say that it is a matter of impossibility for any body of such men to erect such a structure.  My dear friends, you don’t know the members of the Bargoed Chamber of Trade as well as I do!  There is no such word as impossible in their dictionary, and if there is, it has no significance to them; they are perfect demi gods of business!
In their next meeting, I understand, the question of changing the rural council of Gelligaer into an urban one, will be discussed, and if a resolution to that effect will be passed, I have no doubt that they will be able to accomplish it in defiance of all opposition; for what manner of opposition can withstand their oratorial eloquence. (?) The oratorial powers of the ancient and modern worlds are but slang and verbiage in comparison with that possessed by some of the members of this celebrated chamber.  If they should select from their number some of the professors to approach the powers that be to effect the desired change, all difficulties presented will dwindle away like vapour before a strong wind!  When this change will come to pass, the ratepayers of Gelligaer will have a glorious time of it, for their rates will increase considerably, and the name of the Bargoed Chamber of Trade will go down to posterity as the greatest benefactors to Gelligaer parish by the loss of £21,000 rateable value for highway rates.  Wise men indeed!
BRONCHO BILL                                    Bargoed.